Here I Go Again

Yet again I come to you, strangers who probably don't read this dusty old blog, and promise you that I will stick with it this time, that I am going to finish a program, that I am going to get fit and healthy.  This time there is a difference...

I'm not fucking around anymore.

I currently weigh 195 pounds, standing at 5 feet and 5 inches.  That is so unhealthy.
I have a preschool age son who I can't keep up with.  A son who I am not setting a good example for in the health and fitness category of life lessons.
I have a husband who is also out of shape who I hope to encourage to be a better version of himself for our son.
I have a huge closet, a huge suitcase, bags, and a 6 drawer dresser FULL of clothes that don't fit me.  My current "wardrobe" consists of baggy hoodies, my husband's tshirts, and yoga pants that are so small they slide down my muffin top.

I started Power90 20 days ago.  My last workout was 10 days ago.  In order to catch up with myself, I need to do two-a-days for the next week. I can do that.  I'm not disabled.  I'm not so big I can't move at all. I just need to suck it up and get over myself and get shit done.  I need to get it done.

In those ten days I kept with the program, I lost 2 inches off of my waist.  TWO INCHES IN TEN DAYS!!!??  Unreal.  Yet I stopped.  HUH!?  I don't understand myself.  I really don't.

I am hoping that through the next 70 days of this program, I will find myself, I will understand myself better, be a happier person, be a better Mommy, be a better wife, and overcome the self pity.  There is no need for it.  It is time now.  It is time to get it done.

I need to get it done.

I am posting my before picture from twenty days ago.  I am 100% embarrassed by it.  I need to post it.  And in 90 days, I will post another picture.  A "during" picture.  A picture I can be proud of!

Officially out on the internet.  My fat body.. But, my only body.  I have one life to live.  I have one life in which to give my husband and my son the best of me.  This is not the best of me.  They deserve better, but more importantly, IIII deserve better!  But it will not happen without hard work.  I also only have 14 weeks until Memorial Day weekend.  I would like to be able to go to the shore and play on the beach with my son and not be worried about who is judging me for even leaving my house looking the way I do.  

Here goes nothing.  Here goes everything.  It is time to give it everything I have in me.  It is time to be the MILF I deserve to be.

It's time to change.

I literally am sitting here laughing out loud.  That P90X day one?  The last day I did it.  The post before that? One and done.  Totally laughable.

August 12th I will be starting.. ahem, restarting.. P90X with an online accountability group........ and Luke!! :):) I hope he is for real and really wants to do this with me.  I need to be healthy and happy.

I'm not going to write a long post just restating the crap I have before, just here to say that I'm back.  And I can't keep thinking I'm going to fail, or not going to finish.... Or I won't.  So, I need to.  I have to do this.

It's time to change.

P90X Day 1

Done and done! :)

I kicked the chair after I couldn't do the decline push ups.  And I got SUPER frustrated with Ab Ripper X.  I quit half way through for that reason and T woke from his nap and was not a fan of being in the basement.  I am planning to attempt it again later tonight.

But, I tried!  Chest and back is done.  Plyometrics tomorrow.

One and Done?

That's probably what you all think of me.  I'm one and done.  I worked out once and now I'm done.  In all honesty, I have no idea what my major malfunction is.  I felt amazing after Sculpt1-2 last week.  I never got Sweat1-2 in.  Oy vey...

Today I start over.  Again.

Speaks volumes to me.  I should print that picture out and hang it everywhere in my place.

I'm starting over; however, not with Power90.  I'm going for it.  I'm going all in.  P90X.  That's right, P90X. THE P90X.  I have to prove it to myself that I can do something with myself..... And finish it!  Summer is getting closer and closer, which means I will start getting hot in jeans and tshirts and hoodies.  I'm eventually going to need to fit my fat butt into some shorts and a tank top.  The way I look now, I won't be doing that.  I won't subject the kind people of Cape Cod to that awful sight.  So, I'm going to make myself summer ready.

Starting today with Shoulders and Arms.

Day 1 of 90.  Here we go!

Sweat.

"I would rather be covered in sweat at the gym than covered in clothes at the beach"

I saw this quote on Pinterest early this morning.  I took Tristan to the beach today.  It is absolutely GORGEOUS outside.  Upper 70s, sunshine, a few clouds to break it up just enough, on the beach there was a nice breeze to cool off the sun..... PERFECTION.  And I was hot as hell because I was wearing capris and a t-shirt.  I could've been in a bathing suit today, or at least shorts and a tank top.  But no, I'm too fat and gross to subject the public to that.

There is no greater motivation than that feeling I felt today.

So, we got home from the beach and Tristan went straight to bed.  I had a lunch of tuna salad on two mini whole wheat bagels with 1/2 slice of fat free american cheese on each sandwich, with a side of SkinnyPop popcorn (my new favorite!!).  Then I started reading for school on the deck.  All I could think of was how I could be doing this in a bathing suit catching some sun, instead I was sweating.... again.  So, instead of whining about it anymore I got up off my ass.  Tied my still too new looking sneaks on my feet, grabbed Power90, grabbed my dumbells from my car and headed to the basement.  I let Tony Horton have his way with me.  It hurt to walk back up the stairs from that workout, I needed two hands to hold my cup of water, and it hurts to type right now.  AND I LOVE IT.

SWEAT.

90 days from today is July.  That is half way through summer.  I have to push hard.  I need results soon.  I'll be using our treadmill as well as Power90.

I'm going to decorate our basement with an old bikini, a pair of shorts, and the pair of jeans I'm determined to wear again.  

NO EXCUSES.

<3

Well..

So, you may be wanting to ask me, "How are the workouts going, Lauren?" Well..

They're not.

Excuses.  Yesterday we went to the Zooquarium with Tristan (super fun, by the way!)  We all had a blast.  Then we went to the beach.  It was gorgeous.  We all took our shoes off and  put our feet  in the water.  Tristan thought it was a great idea to put his face in the water.  I'm a proud Mommy because he is usually a sissy about stuff like that and when it comes to the ocean, I don't need to have a sissy.  I LOVE swimming in the deep blue. ;)  Anyway, we came home and sat on our bums for a while while Tristan napped (my designated workout time..... oops.) and ordered lunch.  Oops.  Pizza.  It was delish, though.  No lie.  We couldn't take sitting anymore so we walked the mall and wore the little guy out some more.

Today is supposed to be another gorgeous day and even warmer than yesterday.  I'll probably try to find a walking trail and take Tristan out again.  The only problem is this:  he hates being stuck in a stroller.  He's an explorer, especially outside.  So, walking at a toddler's pace is doing nothing for losing weight.  Okay, it's better than sitting on the couch, but I'm not working up a sweat and getting my heart pumping.

Luke took a picture of me yesterday.  I saved it on the computer and titled it, "Sick.jpg"

Sick.

See?  Sick.  Sure, I'm not obese, but I sure do feel like it.  So all of that said....

1.  I'm going to find a walking trail today and take Tristan for a walk.

2.  I'm going to workout during his nap time.  No excuses.

3.  I'm going to eat healthy and drink water.

Three goals for today.  Attainable.

<3

Day 1.

Day 1 of 90.... For this challenge at least.  On a cheesier note: day 1 of the rest of my life.  Now that the corniness is out of the way.....

Weight: 173.2
Goal weight: ???   -- I just want to be healthy and happy in my own skin.  I want my clothes to fit better and I want to be thrilled to try on a top and not dread whether or not it will fit.  The number in my head is 130, but we will find out whether or not that is attainable.  For now my goal weight is: 159.  Get me into the 150s and I'll feel better. ;)  New goal weight after that is met.  Baby steps.

Short term goals:
1.  Get through the first 30 days of Power90.
2.  Have to buy a new pair of jeans because my jeans got too big rather than too small.
3.  Lessen soda intake.
4.  Drink more water.
5.  Lose the first 15 pounds.

You're probably thinking, "Really?  Five short term goals seems like a lot.."  Nope.  All or nothing.  And they are simple things.  :)

Long term goals (For Power90 time period):
1.  Finish Power90. ALL 90 DAYS!
2.  Fit my favorite Jimmy'z jeans. (They're an 8.  I'm in a 12 now.  Totally doable... May even need to break out the AE 6's! ;)  There's some wishful thinking, eh?)
3.  Wear a bathing suit with confidence.... In public.

Totally can meet those goals.  Long term right now is 90 days.  I will feel more confident that I can meet them if they are more like short term goals with more time.  ;)

So, WHY am I finally doing this you may ask yourself.... Or not, but I'm going to tell you anyway.
1.  ME, MYSELF, & I.  Yes, that's right.  ME.
2.  Tristan.  I need to be the best me I can be for him.  I need to set an example for him, and a healthy one.  Not an example that sits on the couch eating crap and drinking soda.
3.  Luke.  He also deserves a better me.  And maybe if he sees the changes I'm making he will make the changes too.   I love him and we deserve the best together. <3


So, that's that.  Day 1.  The workout comes later because Tristan is about to wake from his nap and I used nap time for school work.  I am going to be trying to work out in the mornings starting tomorrow.  That way it won't be hanging over my head all day.  :)

Until next time <3