Blue skies

Those new sneaks that I got for Christmas are still looking like new sneaks.  That's not okay.  So, today I'm tying them on my fat feet and taking Tristan to the park, then perhaps the beach.  There is not a cloud to be had in the sky today.  The sun is shining, so why not take advantage?

I spent this morning looking at a blog of a young girl who lost so much weight... by herself.... and now she is inspiring so many other young girls (and old fogies like myself ;)).  She has a ton of great ideas and tips.  I'm following them.  She's a smart cookie, that girl.

I'm starting Power90 today from day one.  I wanted to start P90X, but I know I'm not ready for it.  I'm not excited for it.  I know I can do Power90 because I did it..... For a little while at least.

Today I will measure, weigh, take before pictures, and set goals (both short term and long term).  Today I will get off my fat butt and take Tristan to the park, push play on that Power90 and get sweating, drink water, take out my favorite pair of jeans I want to fit into again and hang them up where I can see them..... Today, I will believe that I can do this.

Summer is coming, and it's coming up fast.  In a previous post I said that I wanted to be able to put on a bathing suit and swim for Tristan's 2nd birthday on June 10th.  Now, we don't live in the same place anymore, but we will most likely still head toward water and hit a beach for his birthday and I WILL be confident in a bathing suit.  My hopes aren't high.  I'm not aiming for a bikini in two months, but a nice once piece would be nice.... One that doesn't involve maternity swim shorts as the bottoms (Yes, that is what I wore last summer......... Not pregnant, just fat..).  So, perhaps today I will also pick out a bathing suit to treat myself to after two months of working out.  That's it!  My treat to myself on day 60 of Power90 is a bathing suit.  By then I should have lost weight, toned up a bit, and feel okay about myself.

Well, I guess I better go shower and get us ready for the park!  I will post measurements, weight, and goals later today.  No before pictures until I have an after picture to go with it. ;)

<3

50% off? Okay.

Oh, well what the FUCK!?  How can one person be so incredibly lazy?!  UGH.

Please excuse my language.  I just don't know how one night I can feel so motivated then the next day buy some half price Easter candy......... And then eat a bag of it.

Today would've been my Grandmom's 84th birthday.  I made cupcakes to celebrate.  I don't regret eating one for her.  I miss her like crazy every day of my life, but today especially.  My mom would've been making her dinner and cake today.  Nothing is the same without her.  Whoever said, "It gets easier with time" is a liar.  A big, fatter than me, liar!

I'm thinking of starting Power90 all over again.  The results are gone and P90X doesn't excite me the way I thought it would.  I know I can do Power90 because I did it.  I just need to find it in whatever box it is in.

Ugh is the word of the day today...... UGH.

<3

Easter Candy

Yes.  Easter candy.  That is what I have lived on for the past four days.  Needless to say, I FEEL LIKE CRAP!! I'm doing a cleanse tomorrow.  I can't stand feeling like this.  Feeling like this is the best motivation I have ever felt.  

I don't think I'm going to do P90X because I am just not excited about the workouts.  If I'm not excited about it, I won't stick with it, then I will just feel like a failure for not keeping with it.  So, I am going to do this: workout.  Good ol' fashioned running, lifting weights, maybe throw in some Turbo Jam days and buy Zumba for the Wii for some variety.  I know that this plan is NO P90X.... However, it is a bagillionmillion times better than what I am doing now. 

I have support this time.  Myself.  I'm done.  I'm done not having any clothes that fit or fit right.  I'm done saying "Ugh. When I was skinny.." or "I feel gross.."  I'm done feeling down ALL of the time because I feel disgusting.  It's not fair to Luke that I don't feel sexy.  It's not his fault I let myself get this way.

I have a pair of jeans.  My favorite jeans.  I got them in a going out of business sale at Jimmy'z (r.i.p. :(  best store ever...) for super cheap and I wore them all of the time.  They're a size 8.  Perfect.  I'm not trying to be an itty bitty... I'm a mom and my toddler thinks I'm his punching bag, I can't be too skinny!!  I just want to be healthy.  I am a "big 12" now.  My 12's fit, but are snug.  An 8 is doable.  6 is my ultimate goal, but 8 is where I will start.  I am going to take those jeans out and hang them up where I can see them.  A constant reminder of what I can be if I get off my butt and work for it.  

No more complaining.  It's my fault.  I ate the fat.  I ate the candy.  I sat down and didn't move.  I didn't work out.  It's my fault and no one else's.  From now on, I may only complain about sore muscles and I must do it with a smile on my face. :)

So, here we go.  The new me..... or old me?  No, new me.  Old me was skinny, but not healthy.  I just want to be healthy, and that is not what I am right now.  I'm going to the store tomorrow to stock up on as many healthy snacks as my diminishing bank account will allow. (The lack of a job after a huge move really has me stressed...... Nothing a good work out won't fix, right?!)

I'm starting this "Healthy Me" off with a good night's sleep.  Lots to do tomorrow, including spending the little guy's nap time walking/running on the treadmill... :)

...until then <3

Bucket List

Visit Cape Cod, Massachusetts.


Back from a LONG weekend of lots of traveling.  With no energy, I am trying to get caught up on the school work I didn't and couldn't do this past weekend.

We started the weekend visiting my family near Philly.  Then off to Cape Cod, MA for a job interview for Luke. They made an offer, but he couldn't accept on the spot.  We have decided he will negotiate for moving costs and as long as we can: 1. Have help with moving costs, and 2. Find a place we can afford.... We are leaving PA and moving on to MA! :)  I am beyond super excited I can't even explain it.  I am a beach bum to say the least.  I get this feeling around the water and sand that I just can't explain.  The owner of the company Luke will be working at took us on a tour of the area and while driving around he stopped at a few different beaches and he would just sit and stare at the water.. I knew we would get along with this guy!  He said at one point, "I don't know what it is about the beach.  It's like there are some kind of weird ions coming off of the water that just make everything feel okay."  ...YUP!  I couldn't agree more. :)

It also seems like a great place to raise kids.  The school system seems good from what they told us and they said they would help us find doctors, day care, a job for me, a home... the works.  They're so kind.

I am just too excited for this change! :) I feel like I will be able to take a deep breath as soon as there is an agreement settled upon between Luke and the owner... Even if that does mean packing, hiring movers, finding a place to live sight unseen, finding a new job......... but that's okay... it will all be worth it. No question in my mind. :)

Still haven't started P90X.  I can give you my list of excuses, but I will spare you.  There will never be a "good time" to start.  I'm catching up with and finishing some school work today, probably (hopefully) unpacking some, (hopefully) cleaning a little, and catching up on sleep I've missed out on all weekend.  I will most likely be starting P90X tomorrow.  I can't be moving to the beach in the Spring looking like this!! ;)

The lions were SO close!! Best zoo trip I've ever had! :)

Family photo :)

The beginning, so still loving it.. 

Watching the otters play 

Trying for a family photo with the bears... :)

"Graduation Day"

That's what today is... Graduation day.  Day 90 of my 90 day fitness challenge.  I am not anywhere near where I wanted to be, or where I could be.  However, since my last posts I have found the happy Lauren who isn't so down on herself.  So, that being said, I will send my results in for the challenge, get my t-shirt, and wear it while I do P90X.

Yup, I said it. P90X.  You're thinking I'm crazy, right?  I couldn't even keep with Power90, how am I going to keep with P90X?  Well, I can't say I'm going to work out every single time.  But why should that stop me?

I was talking with my coach on our team site the other day and I was telling her how I've come through "the darkness" and am feeling better about everything.  I've been taking a little St. John's Wort and it seems to be helping a lot.  Still not 100%, but I'm getting there. I was telling her how I'm doing this for my son.  He is my why.  How could he not be?  Everything I do, I do for him.  He is my reason for living, so why wouldn't he be my reason for living well?  Makes sense, right? :)  

Honestly, how could you not want

to be the best you could be when

this little guy is counting on you!?

We have some exciting things going on with our little family right now (don't get any crazy ideas here...)! I'm very excited about an opportunity my fiance has and I'm hoping it pulls through and everything works out!

Well, I haven't taken my last day measurements yet.  When I do, I will post them here along with my "Before & After" pictures.  And this "After" picture will be my "Before" picture on Monday.  I'm not finished.  I never want to be finished.  I can always better myself.  It's all for my little guy.

Oh, and my brother and his girlfriend had their baby!!! Meet my nephew, Declan Reece <3

He looks just like my brother :)

Until next time.. :)

Am I INSAAAANE!?

Here I am, 11 days after my last post.............. STILL NOT DOING ANYTHING! AYE!!

I'm stuck in a vicious circle...... I feel gross and fat and awful about myself so I don't workout, even though I know for a fact it will fix a majority of my major malfuncions these days!

School is crazy.  My first class is a communications class. Gag me!  I didn't major in communications for a reason.. I hate it.  And for the most part, I hate communicating with people! Haha

I joined the YMCA.  I need to start training for real for my run that is in May, and I know I won't go outside and walk and then run when its freezing cold, snowy and icy.  Yuck.  I hate the winter.  I went once so far and walked the track for 30 minutes just like my training guide said to do to get started.  I was on the track with two older gentlemen..... RUNNING PAST ME!  I felt like dirt because of it.  But, I continued walking and got lost in my music.  I haven't been back because..... [insert excuses here].  One day I really couldn't go because the roads were just awful and I wanted to get the kiddo from day care before they got any worse.  His safety comes before me walking for thirty minutes.

This weekend I have been home visiting my family.  My brother's girlfriend's baby shower was today.  I can't wait to meet my nephew.  I will be in my car faster than I can say "I'm coming!" when I find out she's in labor.  My brother means the WORLD to me, and the fact that he is having a son just puts me right on top of the world. :)  I digress...... Tomorrow I am headed back to Warren and also have a project due for school.  So, Tuesday (exactly one week from my first 30 minute walk.....) I will be back at the YMCA after work to walk.

This week is going to be insane.  It is the last week of this awful communications course and on top of it I will have an orientation to teaching course.  Yikes..... YIKES.  Buuuuut, I am bound and determined to find time and energy to workout.  My size 12s I was so excited about at Christmas time are already getting a little snug.  I'm NOT okay with that.  Especially since I wasn't even okay with the fact that fitting into a size 12 excited me. UGH.

Hopefully it's not another 11 days before I post again....... And I hope I come bearing good news next time.

"Today is yesterday's tomorrow" [Nike]

.....Ain't that the truth.  And on the 8th I said, "Tomorrow" ..then again on the 9th... and again yesterday.  So, is today really my "tomorrow"? 

It is.

I just finished reading my Power90 challenge group's 60 day results.  Do I have results?  Results for what?  I haven't done anything.  I probably have gained an inch here or there.  I just got off the scale, and if I am remembering correctly, I have at least lost a pound or so.  However, that could be because I haven't been getting off my fat bum and building my muscles.

I also found this....

Sure, it is from 2007 and that was almost 5 years ago; but, look at that bod.  Look at that smile.  Look at how comfortable I am in my skin.  Not having to worry about who is judging me for being on the beach in a bathing suit.  Not worrying about sucking it in (although, I think I was trying to here. Nothing to suck in though..). Not worrying about turning my body in such a way to "trick" the camera from making me look like I should have an "Oversized Load" sign attached to my back and an escort truck with flashing yellow lights.  That picture is my goal.  Yes, it is a pre-child body and at this point probably just about impossible with my new curves.... it's not the body I'm after.  It's the feeling.  And in all honesty, it's the bikini.

We had our son's birthday party at a local state park that has a "beach."  My fiance's brother in law was the one who took my son swimming because I didn't bring my bathing suit.  Why would I?  Too many people.  I was just too big.  Not this year.  I'm having the party at the same park and swimming my heart out with my little guy!

For some extra accountability, I told my Wife that if she got up and ran in the morning, I would work out.  She ran this morning.  Instead of working out, I've been jerking around on Pinterest all morning.  Not to mention I have school work I should be doing.  (Darn you, Pinterest!!)  But, I gave the wife my word.  Working out is what I shall do!



Now, I'm going to do my 60 day measurements and post them to my challenge group either today or tomorrow.  I am tearing up just thinking about it.  I make no sense to myself.  If I KNOW that I will feel better about everything and  I will be just all around happier and have more energy, why don't I just do it?! LAZY.

No more "tomorrow." It's TODAY.

TODAY IS THE DAY.