Am I INSAAAANE!?

Here I am, 11 days after my last post.............. STILL NOT DOING ANYTHING! AYE!!

I'm stuck in a vicious circle...... I feel gross and fat and awful about myself so I don't workout, even though I know for a fact it will fix a majority of my major malfuncions these days!

School is crazy.  My first class is a communications class. Gag me!  I didn't major in communications for a reason.. I hate it.  And for the most part, I hate communicating with people! Haha

I joined the YMCA.  I need to start training for real for my run that is in May, and I know I won't go outside and walk and then run when its freezing cold, snowy and icy.  Yuck.  I hate the winter.  I went once so far and walked the track for 30 minutes just like my training guide said to do to get started.  I was on the track with two older gentlemen..... RUNNING PAST ME!  I felt like dirt because of it.  But, I continued walking and got lost in my music.  I haven't been back because..... [insert excuses here].  One day I really couldn't go because the roads were just awful and I wanted to get the kiddo from day care before they got any worse.  His safety comes before me walking for thirty minutes.

This weekend I have been home visiting my family.  My brother's girlfriend's baby shower was today.  I can't wait to meet my nephew.  I will be in my car faster than I can say "I'm coming!" when I find out she's in labor.  My brother means the WORLD to me, and the fact that he is having a son just puts me right on top of the world. :)  I digress...... Tomorrow I am headed back to Warren and also have a project due for school.  So, Tuesday (exactly one week from my first 30 minute walk.....) I will be back at the YMCA after work to walk.

This week is going to be insane.  It is the last week of this awful communications course and on top of it I will have an orientation to teaching course.  Yikes..... YIKES.  Buuuuut, I am bound and determined to find time and energy to workout.  My size 12s I was so excited about at Christmas time are already getting a little snug.  I'm NOT okay with that.  Especially since I wasn't even okay with the fact that fitting into a size 12 excited me. UGH.

Hopefully it's not another 11 days before I post again....... And I hope I come bearing good news next time.

"Today is yesterday's tomorrow" [Nike]

.....Ain't that the truth.  And on the 8th I said, "Tomorrow" ..then again on the 9th... and again yesterday.  So, is today really my "tomorrow"? 

It is.

I just finished reading my Power90 challenge group's 60 day results.  Do I have results?  Results for what?  I haven't done anything.  I probably have gained an inch here or there.  I just got off the scale, and if I am remembering correctly, I have at least lost a pound or so.  However, that could be because I haven't been getting off my fat bum and building my muscles.

I also found this....

Sure, it is from 2007 and that was almost 5 years ago; but, look at that bod.  Look at that smile.  Look at how comfortable I am in my skin.  Not having to worry about who is judging me for being on the beach in a bathing suit.  Not worrying about sucking it in (although, I think I was trying to here. Nothing to suck in though..). Not worrying about turning my body in such a way to "trick" the camera from making me look like I should have an "Oversized Load" sign attached to my back and an escort truck with flashing yellow lights.  That picture is my goal.  Yes, it is a pre-child body and at this point probably just about impossible with my new curves.... it's not the body I'm after.  It's the feeling.  And in all honesty, it's the bikini.

We had our son's birthday party at a local state park that has a "beach."  My fiance's brother in law was the one who took my son swimming because I didn't bring my bathing suit.  Why would I?  Too many people.  I was just too big.  Not this year.  I'm having the party at the same park and swimming my heart out with my little guy!

For some extra accountability, I told my Wife that if she got up and ran in the morning, I would work out.  She ran this morning.  Instead of working out, I've been jerking around on Pinterest all morning.  Not to mention I have school work I should be doing.  (Darn you, Pinterest!!)  But, I gave the wife my word.  Working out is what I shall do!



Now, I'm going to do my 60 day measurements and post them to my challenge group either today or tomorrow.  I am tearing up just thinking about it.  I make no sense to myself.  If I KNOW that I will feel better about everything and  I will be just all around happier and have more energy, why don't I just do it?! LAZY.

No more "tomorrow." It's TODAY.

TODAY IS THE DAY.

I want to be a MILF....

....For real.  A MILF. 

I'm no dummy, I know guys don't pass me on the street while I'm walking with my son and think, "Daaay-um! She's a hot mom!" I mean, I don't blame them (Although, my fiance's opinion is the only one that truly matters to me, it would be nice to get a stare or two again... I mean, I used to be attractive).  I don't do my hair, I don't wear makeup, I usually have snot on my sleeve from wiping my son's nose when a tissue just isn't close enough, I rarely wear jeans and I live in yoga pants and hoodies.... I could go on and on.  I'll spare you.

I don't do New Year's resolutions.  They never stick.  Instead, I'm just going to set goals for myself.  Sure, sounds like the same thing, but the fact that it's not the "R-Word" makes me feel better about it.  I feel like I have more of a chance of keeping up with my goals.  Well, my goals are as follows:

1.  Eat healthy.  And continue to eat healthy!
2.  Exercise.  Lots of exercise.  Real, 5-6 times a week, exercise.
3.  Run.  I am registered for a 5 mile run in May 2012.  I haven't run since grade school.  I bought new sneaks for this one.
4.  Be more organized.

I feel like I have a million, but these are the biggies.  The organization is last for a reason.  I feel like once the rest of my life is in line, the organization will follow.

Almost 60 days ago I started the BeachBody Power90 challenge.  AMAZING!  I kept with it hardcore for the first 30 days and lost 10 inches off of my body and about 7 pounds.  From day 30 to day 60 hasn't been so awesome because I haven't been doing my workouts.  I am started anew tomorrow.  I only have 30 days until the challenge is finito.  YIKES! 

If you were to ask me why I stopped if I had such great results after only 30 days, I could give you a laundry list of excuses.... all really coming down to one thing: I GOT LAZY!  And I hate it. 

So, here I am.  Starting a blog to document my journey.  Hopefully someone will stumble across it one day and think, "Hey, I can do that!" and join me in a healthy lifestyle.  My journey starts now... with a good night's sleep to rest up for my fresh start tomorrow.

Until then.... <3